Okay/ish

It is okay to not have the words 

It is okay to leave that message unanswered

to not return that phone call

It is okay to be so fucking sad

it makes your bones melt

It is okay to just stare at that wall

It is okay to weep from your core and

to not feel anything at all 

It is okay to let in rage and unfairness

It is okay to scream into a pillow

It is okay to bite a tree

It is okay to hate your body

It is okay to grieve the life you thought you'd have

It is okay to not do those dishes

and sweep that floor

It is okay to feel jealousy

It is okay to isolate 

It's all an act of survival 

What is not okay

Is to stay in that mode forever 

 Recently

I crave to taste the oblivion

Even though I know 

The flavour is but bittersweet

 “Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don't know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better.” 

― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Zegarmistrz światła purpurowy

 And when at last he comes for me 

the purple watchmaker of light 

Just to stir up the sky inside my head 

Ready I shall be, and bright

The days pierce me like bullets would 

The airs and floors all disappear

I look around me again and I will go 

I don't know where, forever

Without recovery

There is a light you will miss & you won't know it

There is a pain you must feel & you won't feel it 

There is a heart you must distance from & you'll crave it

There is a substance that will own you & you'll obsess over it 

There is a moment, a day, a friend, a love, that should be yours 

but you'll escape it

There is a freedom in the unknown but you'll never chase it

There is a life inside your soul & you'll never live it

Unknown

Aamu nousi, minä en 

Pimeys; kajo kasvoi hiljalleen 

valon tanssiessa sisään ikkunastani

jonka tahdoin sulkea vasten päivän kasvoja

Hitaasti

Riuhdon unen hunnun läpi painajaisia

irti itsestäni 

käteni heilahtaa ja

kuppi kolahtaa puulattiaan 

olen jälleen

täällä

tänään

nyt

...