Sunday, 29 June 2014

A letter to the Witches/Chillum Diaries pt. 1


"Namaste beloved sisters and brothers on the path! It is my seventh day here in Tiruvannamalai. It is also the seventh day of intense practise and I would therefore like to share my experiences and emotions with you. I am in a very unusual place.

Practising yoga in Tiru.

Tiruvannamalai is one of the holiest cities in India. Here the Sun rises from behind the Great Temple and sets behind the Mighty Shiva Mountain. The city itself is filled with pilgrims and Sadhus, holy men wearing orange robes. The smell of smoke, deep fried chilies. fresh fruits and incense mixes with the smell of cowshit and urine. The sounds of thousands of carhorns, bells, jingles and drums. Mantras are sang everywhere. Om namah Sivayah! Rich backpackers, beggars, salesmen and a handful of skinny whities. Westerners meditating in their airconditioned rooms in ashrams, bright eyed children running around barefooted, piles of rubbish framing the sides of the seets, the colours of the rainbow shining, all the time, everywhere.

An Indian camouflage.
At the time of my arrival to Tiru I felt very lonely and my heart was full of fear. I didn't really know why I had come here, left my wife in Goa and taken this exhausting, 24 hour long trip here. There seemed to be no reason. My mind was clouded by painfully intense emotions, all racing, chasing each other inside my head creating chaos. I was alone in the city full of strangers, hopelessly lost. There was only one thing I was certain of and had decided: I would isolate myself from everything I love and care for one hundred days. Not because I wanted to, but because I needed to, because it was the only way to renew connection between myself and my beautiful wife Ayuka. To release me from the grip of my addictions to  smoking, drinking, drugs, to Ayuka. To become a better man, to be able to love my wife purely and freely without jealousy, obsession and wanting to possess, own her or her love. And most importantly to find out what kind of a man this Qba really is, what he really wants and how he could get it. And also to find love for this Qba from my heart.

My wife Ayuka and me, couple of hours before I left for Tiru.

The practical side of my task is simple:

1. Go to Tiru, climb the mountain, find the cave and make it home.
2. To find a neem tree and every morning eat 10 leaves on an empty stomach. This is to purify my body from toxins.
3. Find a place that sells ashwagandha and every morning have one spoonful with honey to make my balls and nervous system stronger and well-functioning.
4. Practise Yoga every day 2-3 hours. It will help release blocked and stale energies, strengthen my body and help discover a more balanced state of being.
5. Meditate 2-3 hours daily to calm the stormy waters of my mind, so that I will be able to see my own reflection clearly and objectively. It will help raise my awareness and be more present.
6. Eat simply, not too much and not too little not to get sick or weak. Food is to keep me healthy and energized. It is a medicine.
7. Stop wanting and expecting things because then and only then the truth will appear in front of me and everything that happens after is excatly what I need.
8. Stop saying "no" to people and situations. Don't plant the seeds of negativity and refusal. If my intuition tells me otherwise, remember to look in the eyes and smile with genuine love and cheerfulness. See what happens. 
9. Slow down.  

Simple as shitting in the forest isn't it? But even all these  simple things can be challenging in the beginning, especially at nights when you know that the cobra might be there."

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Pentland Hills (May)

Hopealankaa, kopeat lankeaa

Ikkunan lävitse ja sen sisällä, Yhtäaikaa kaikkialla, paikallani istuen matkustan ajan läpi ikuisuuksien ihmemaahan. Liikkumatta syöksyen, hitaasti kiitäen. Löydänkö kuninkaita valtaistuimillaan kristallikruunut päähän painettuina vaiko kerjäläisiä syöpäläisten jäytäminen käsineen? Tiedä en, muuta kuin olevani jo matkalla, puoliväliä kiistatta edellä. Jokinhan on aina vastassa kuitenkin, tuntemattomaan en herkeä pelkojani tuhlaamaan. Tulkoon, katson kyllä silmiin niin kuningasta kuin katulastakin. Häpeä en.

Friday, 6 June 2014


Käärmeen lasken ulos sisuksistani, pois sydäntäni jäytämästä. Rujosti kakoen ja riuhtoen, suupielet se repii mennessään, verinen käärö maassa. Luikertele matkoihisi mokoma, kuiskaa vieno kolibri, hento suojelija. Mene pois, älä koskaan herkeä palata mokoma ruma ruoja. Kotka liitelee luokseni länsituulen tuomana, jaguaarin kultaiset silmät kiiluvat metsän siimeksessä. Sytytän palan pyhää puuta, savun siimekseen sulautuu läärmeen hahmo, hälveten, haipuen. Kaipaa en.
Olenhan elävä vielä, tunnen, hengitän. Kiitän.
Mitä kaipaat.
Mitä pelkäät.
Äiti, lapsesi hyräilee laulujasi.
Olet kaikkialla, kaikkeudessa, kaiken edessä ja takana.
"Olen huokaisten hymyilevä kiitos."
Olen tässä.